


Even On Our Worst Nights

by greymcdreamysgh



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:20:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28640640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greymcdreamysgh/pseuds/greymcdreamysgh
Summary: "And, baby, even on our worst nights, I'm into you." Meredith and Derek try to have date night. It doesn't go as planned. Written in 2013 and crossposted from ff.net
Relationships: Meredith Grey & Derek Shepherd, Meredith Grey/Derek Shepherd
Kudos: 13





	Even On Our Worst Nights

_Some things just make sense and one of those is you and I  
_ _Some things just make sense and even after all this time  
_ _I'm into you  
_ _I should be over all the butterflies, but I'm into you  
_ _And, baby, even on our worst nights, I'm into you_

* * *

One rainy autumn morning, when they were both in between patients, Meredith pulled April aside to confirm the evening's plans. She and Derek had been, aside from going to work, housebound since Bailey was born and now that she was back to work and Bailey was pretty much sleeping through the night, Meredith had decided that they needed to start getting out a little bit more.

She had mentioned as much over lunch about a week ago, just as an off-hand comment, but April had volunteered for this without being asked.

"I'll watch them!" she had said. "You guys _should_ go out! I'll totally watch them!"

Cristina had raised one eyebrow, but refrained from commenting. Alex had simply shrugged.

"You would want to do that?" Meredith had asked incredulously.

"Yeah, it would be fun!"

Before Meredith knew it, April talked her into the whole thing, and even though it took about a week to coordinate the schedules of three surgeons so that everybody had the same night off, tonight was the night. Date night. The dress up, dinner out kind. It was something they barely did when they didn't have any kids, let alone two, preferring instead to scrub in on a surgery together and have sex in an on-call room afterward. But now, they were sticking to their no neuro rule, and besides, a change of scenery would do both of them good. The closer the evening got, the better it all sounded to Meredith.

So, with the plans to be set in motion in just a few hours, she was convinced that April would come to her senses and maybe not want to babysit a two-year-old and an infant on her one night off.

"Are you sure you don't mind?" Meredith found herself asking again.

"Yes," April said exasperatedly.

"Really?"

"Yes! Around eight, right?"

"That would be great," Meredith sighed with a hesitant smile. "If you really don't mind."

"Meredith, it's fine," April assured her. "I'm happy to do it. I'll see you later."

"Ok," she said. "Thank you."

A few hours later, Meredith met Derek for lunch in the cafeteria. She had fifteen minutes to wolf down a meal while her intern prepped her next patient for a laparoscopic cholecystectomy, and by the time they waited in line and actually got their food, she was down to eight minutes.

"So, Operation Date Night is a go," she said as she broke off a piece of a turkey sandwich and shoved it into her mouth.

"It's a military operation now?" Derek asked, grinning. He was barely eating, and instead was just watching her inhale her food. "Are code names required?"

Meredith swallowed and rolled her eyes. "With the amount of planning this has required, it might be getting to that point."

"April is still ok to watch the kids?"

"She is," Meredith replied. "So we'll get them from daycare at around six, April will be over at eight, and then you and I will have our date."

"You know, we really don't have dates that often," he said in amazement, like this was the first time it had dawned on him.

She smirked. "I know."

"Ok, so you got a babysitter," he said. "I made reservations. What else do we need?"

"Well," she says, "You're going to put on a suit. I'm going to do my hair and put on a dress. So that in itself is something. But we are going to let someone else take care of our kids for a few hours and you are going to buy me a steak dinner. And I have some plans for when we get home."

Derek grinned and raised an eyebrow at her. "Mmm, what kind of plans?"

"Oh, I'll leave the details to your imagination, but I think you'll be happy," she said airily.

He shot her a hopeful look. "Want to give me a little preview in the on-call room?"

"Can't," she said, popping the last small bit of sandwich into her mouth and gathering all of her trash as she swallowed and stood up. "I have a gallbladder to remove. And _you_ need to save your energy for tonight."

He looked at her longingly, like the gallbladder could surely wait, and she had to admit that she too would definitely find previewing her plans for later much more fun than her upcoming procedure.

"Trust me, it'll be worth it," she said, leaning down behind him and kissing his cheek. "How's that for code?"

* * *

Later that night, after she and Derek had brought the kids home and fed them dinner, Meredith retreated to their bedroom to get ready to go out. Derek assured her that all he had to do was change his clothes and that wouldn't take long at all, so she should take her time and he would handle the kids. After a quick shower and comb through with dry shampoo, she dressed and settled in front of the bathroom mirror to finish getting ready. No sooner had she opened her makeup bag had Zola bounded into the room, still in the clothes she had been wearing all day.

"Oh, I like that, Mama," Zola exclaimed, pointing at Meredith's lacy black long-sleeved dress. She almost never saw her mother out of scrubs or jeans, and in fact, probably couldn't remember the last time she had had a babysitter, so even that was cause for excitement.

"It looks good?" Meredith asked, smoothing the dress over her stomach.

Zola nodded excitedly, reaching forward to run her fingertips over the lace. "Pretty."

Meredith smiled. "Do you think Daddy will like it?"

Again, Zola nodded vigorously. "I like it, Mommy."

"Good, I'm glad, Zo," Meredith said. "Where's Daddy?"

"Making Bailey go night-night," Zola replied.

"Oh, ok," Meredith said. "Well, can you go get your pajamas? I put them on your bed."

"I don't need a bath?" Zola asked in disbelief.

"No, not tonight," Meredith said. Even though they rarely skipped baths, tonight they just didn't have time, and Meredith didn't want to ask April to bathe the kids by herself. "But bring your PJs back here and then you can help me finish getting ready."

She returned to applying her makeup, and a few minutes later, Zola re-entered the bathroom with her pajama pants on, but without her shirt in her hands. Meredith wasn't sure if it was because she was just getting older, or if it was because Bailey's arrival had forced her to become more independent, but Zola was getting pretty good at dressing herself now, although she still had some trouble with the coordination of it sometimes.

"Need help with the sleeves?" Meredith asked.

"Help," Zola agreed, holding the shirt out for Meredith.

Meredith picked Zola up and sat her on the bathroom counter. She helped Zola pull the shirt over her head and looped her arms through the sleeves. "All set?" Meredith asked, and Zola nodded.

She let Zola stay up on the counter and look through her makeup bag while she continued to get ready. Zola stared intently at her while she finished her eyes, and when she got to the lipstick, Zola smiled like this is what she had been waiting for.

"Can I have some of that?" she asked hopefully.

Meredith shrugged; she didn't see why not. She dabbed the tiniest bit of lipstick on Zola's lips, and Zola crinkled her nose and stared at herself in the mirror with a smile.

"I can come on a date now too," she said.

"Hmm, not tonight, Lovebug," Meredith replied, kissing the top of her head before putting her own lipstick on. "But are you going to be a good girl for April and be a super helper for her with Bailey?"

Zola nodded, but then her eyes widened. "But what if he poops?"

Meredith laughed. "April will change him," she assured her. "We'll show her where the diapers are."

A few minutes later, Derek leaned into the bathroom. "Bay is asleep," he announced. "And April just got here."

"I should get all my games!" Zola cried excitedly, and she reached out both hands to Derek to help her down from the counter. Once her feet were on the floor, Zola dashed out of the bathroom and down the hall towards her bedroom.

"Zo, just one or two, not all of them!" Meredith called after her, knowing that it was probably no use.

With Zola gone, Meredith turned away from the mirror to face Derek. "What do you think?" she asked. "Good for five months after baby?"

"Good for anybody," he said, reaching out to touch a lock of her hair. "You look amazing."

She grinned, and even though he wasn't dressed yet, she almost had to stop herself from licking her lips in anticipation. "You clean up pretty well too."

"You still want me in the suit?" he asked.

"For now," she said coyly. She pressed a hand against his chest to stabilize herself while she balanced on one foot and then the other, slipping heels on her feet. "I mean April's already here. And your daughter is still awake. But no, you will not need the suit later."

He groaned, and she left to meet April downstairs. By the time she got down there, Zola had already dumped all of her plastic food and dishes onto the floor and was serving April tea on their couch.

"Hey," Meredith said, choosing to not take notice of the mess in the living room that didn't exist five minutes before. "Thank you for doing this."

"No problem," April said, taking the cup of tea and plastic sleeve of french fries Zola was offering her.

"Ok, so you have both of our cells so just call us if you have any questions," Meredith said, taking a breath before launching herself into an explanation of everything that April could possibly need to know when spending a few hours with her children. "I put the pediatrician's number on the fridge so you could always call her too if necessary, but we can get back if you need us. But it's better to be prepared, I guess. Bay is asleep, but if he wakes up and seems hungry, there's a bottle of breastmilk in the fridge. Zola's bedtime is at 8:30. She knows she's supposed to listen to you so if she tries to tell you her bedtime is later, it's not. Make sure she pees before bed. She _does_ need a pull-up, even though she might tell you that she doesn't. Oh, I forgot to have her brush her teeth. Can you help her with that? She'll try to do it all herself, but if you don't help her she'll just kind of suck on the toothpaste and not really scrub. We got her this berry toothpaste because it's supposed to be good for toddlers and now she just wants to eat it and-"

"Meredith," Derek said, coming back into the living room in his suit jacket and dress shirt. "I think she can handle it."

"Right," Meredith said. She had barely realized she had been talking so much until she had stopped. "Sorry. Ok, so, we should go. Bye, Lovebug. We'll see you in the morning, ok?"

Zola stopped her next phase of food prep and looked up at them. "You can kiss me goodnight though?"

"Tell you what, how about one kiss now and one kiss when Mommy and I get home?" Derek asked, scooping her up and kissing her on the cheek, and passing her to Meredith so she could do the same. "We'll save one for later," he assured her as he set her back on the floor.

They pulled coats from the hall closet and before they walked out the front door, Meredith called back to Zola, "Be a good girl, Zo! I love you!"

"Love you, Mommy!" Zola called back. "And Daddy!"

Derek grinned. Ushering Meredith out the door, he turned back and said, "Thanks, April," before stepping outside himself.

"You're welcome," April replied. "Have fun."

* * *

Later, having parked their car at the Bainbridge ferryboat terminal, they sat together on the boat to head into the city. As they looked out on the water, Derek asked, "Remember when you bought a bottle of wine and you told me you knew a place where there was an amazing view of sunrise over the ferryboats?"

"I remember," she said. "I also remember getting drunk and having sex in the backseat of your car."

"Hmm, that might be a little difficult now that there are two car seats in the back," he replied.

"Maybe," she said. "And you can't get me drunk tonight because your son will be up to nurse later, and both of your kids will be up and ready to go by 7:30 tomorrow morning. But still. These are all good things."

"Yes, all good things," he agreed. "But I didn't get you drunk."

"Yes, you did!"

"Who bought the wine?" he shot back.

"Fine," she said. The details-fuzzy then after finishing that entire bottle-were still fuzzy now, seven years later, but she was quite of what she told him next: "You were a willing participant."

"Oh, I was very willing," he said, pulling her a little closer. "I think I was half in love with you by then."

She shook her head and smiled, remembering all those nights of being tangled up in each other in his car, in the elevator, in her bed. With any other guy, she would have had the presence of mind to think herself embarrassing or to guard herself a little more, but with him, she hadn't been able to bring herself to care. It wasn't until later that she realized what that all meant. "I was all the way in love with you," she said.

"Really?"

She knew it took them both way too long to say it, but was still true nonetheless. She just nodded and laughed. "And to think," she said, "I thought I was going to kick you out, take a shower, and never see you again. You know, you weren't a very good one night stand."

He laughed too. "You weren't a very good rebound."

When they docked in Seattle, Meredith bundled her coat around her a little more tightly to stave off the fall chill, and looped her arm through Derek's to walk to the restaurant. Fortunately, the rain had stopped, and while the air still felt humid and cold, they were at least dry when they got to the restaurant.

They both ordered a glass of wine, knowing that this would be the only one of the night so she could metabolize it before they got home, and settled in to relax.

Their steaks had been on the table no more than five minutes when Meredith's cell phone rang. Even before she had kids, it was difficult for her to ignore her phone, knowing that the hospital might be calling, but now it was pretty much impossible. When she rummaged through her purse to find her phone and saw that April was calling, she picked up immediately.

"April?" she said, but April said nothing and she could hear Bailey crying in the background. "April!"

After a moment's hesitation and some jostling of the phone, April's voice came over the line. "Hey, Meredith," she said, sounding flustered, "I am so sorry to be calling, but Bailey woke up a little while ago and he won't stop crying. I tried to feed him and change him, and he doesn't have a fever, so I'm just wondering if this is something he does from time to time."

Meredith pursed her lips. Bailey was a pretty easygoing baby. He could be fussy sometimes, but he was a pretty good sleeper, and when Derek put him down before they left, they weren't expecting him to wake up again until 3:30. Every night, like clockwork, Bailey would fuss around that time, eat, and then go back to bed without a problem. He was his father's son and quite enjoyed the comfort of a routine. Now, though, it definitely wasn't 3:30 and she could still hear her son crying in April's arms. This was unusual.

"No, he doesn't." she said carefully. She turned to Derek, who was looking at her with concern. "She can't get Bay to calm down," she explained before turning her attention back to April. "He's dry and fed?"

"Yeah," April said. "And no fever or anything. I'm sorry to bother you; I just wondered if you had any little tricks I could try."

"You could try making shushing noises in his ear and swaying with him," she said. "He likes that."

She was trying to remain calm but hearing Bailey cry like that when she couldn't get to him was stressing her out.

"I tried that," April replied. "Zola suggested it."

"Zola's still awake?" Meredith asked abruptly.

"Um," April said, trying again to soothe Bailey before turning her attention back to Meredith, "Well...kinda. But as soon as Bailey calms down, she knows it's bedtime."

"Zola's awake?" Derek interrupted quietly. They had both stopped eating and Derek was listening as best he could to the conversation. Meredith grimaced and nodded.

"And she tried the shushing thing?" Derek asked.

Meredith nodded. "Yeah, she tried that."

"How about holding him on his stomach?" he offered.

Her eyes lit up, knowing that Bailey often fell asleep in Derek's arms if Derek cradled him, tummy down, and let Bailey's cheek rest against his elbow. "Yeah, I'll suggest that," she said. "April, see if you can put him down on his stomach, support him with your forearm and rub his back. That might work."

"Ok, I'll try that," she said hurriedly.

"Ok, call me back in 10 minutes."

After Meredith hung up, she and Derek tried to go back to their dinner, but really, both of them were just waiting for the phone to ring again. Together, they tried to brainstorm what could be wrong, but if he wasn't hungry or wet and didn't have a fever, Meredith was at a loss. All she could think of was that something must have woken him up, and instead of she or Derek coming in to comfort him, he found a stranger. The guilt of that made her lose her appetite.

When the phone rang again, she picked it up quickly and asked, "Any luck?" But she didn't need April to answer. She could still hear Bailey screaming in the background. "Ok, we can just come home."

"No, no, you don't have to do that!" April said. "I'm sure I can get him settled!"

Meredith shook her head and mouthed to Derek, "He's still crying," before turning back to April. "It's fine, really," she assured her.

Derek was already flagging the waitress over and explaining the situation while she tried to finish her conversation with April. She watched the waitress take away their plates.

"I'm so sorry," April said. "Your one night out and you lasted less than two hours."

"It's just as well," Meredith assured her. "I'm not going to be able to relax if I know he's crying this much. The next boat is at 9:45 so it'll be awhile before we can really get there but we're on our way."

When they got home about an hour later, they opened the front door to find Zola sprawled on the couch, fast asleep, and April pacing back and forth in the dining room, as far away from Zola as she dared to go, with Bailey in her arms. He wasn't screaming anymore, but he was still whimpering and seemed to have tired himself out.

"Hey," she says, scooping the baby out of April's arms. She kissed his cheek and the crease of his neck and the top of his head. "Hi," she murmured, smoothing a hand over his brown hair and down over his racecar footie pajamas to support his back. "Hi, buddy."

Derek put their leftovers in the fridge, peeked over the back of the couch to check on Zola, and then came over to Meredith and Bailey. He laid a hand on Bailey's back and kissed him too, but let Meredith sway back and forth with him in her arms.

"I'm sorry, guys," April said. "But I think I figured out why he's so fussy. I think he's teething. He feels better if you rub his gums. I didn't want to give him any acetaminophen until you guys got back though."

"Oh," Meredith said in relief. "Ok, thanks." She lifted Bailey a little higher in her arms and, patting his back, she murmured in his ear, "Do your gums hurt, little guy?"

She carried him into the kitchen, where she rinsed off the fingers of her left hand. Sticking her fingertip in Bailey's mouth, she was surprised at how hard he bit down and gummed on it.

"Zola fell asleep?" Derek asked April.

"She just kinda passed out there, yeah," April admitted. "She wouldn't go to bed while he was awake, but I think she was too tired to really fight it after awhile. So then when she finally did fall asleep, I couldn't move her because if I put him down, he'd start crying and she would wake up again."

Derek smiled knowingly, and nodded. "I'll put her in her bed."

"Wait," Meredith said before he could pick up their daughter. "What do you think about giving him a half a teaspoon of Tylenol?"

"Yeah, I think that's fine," he agreed.

"Ok, can you grab it for me before you put her in bed?" she asked. Bailey was chomping on her fingers so much that she was sure April was right. Drool poured down over her hand, but at least he seemed more comfortable now. She was sure that his first tooth would poke through in a few days.

Derek went to the bathroom and returned a moment later with the children's Tylenol and an infant eyedropper to measure out the dose. He sucked a little bit of the red liquid into the syringe and let Meredith hold him while he pushed the medicine into Bailey's mouth.

The baby did not like it at all. Now, not only did he not have his mother's fingers to chew on anymore, but his entire mouth was flooded with something he had never tasted before. It seemed like he swallowed most of it, but some of the Tylenol mixed with his drool and spilled out as he opened his mouth and screamed.

Zola was startled awake almost instantly, and she, overtired and stressed out, also started to cry. "Too loud," she wailed with her hands over her ears. "Too loud!"

Derek moved quickly to scoop Zola off the couch, but it was too late. The damage was done and both kids were playing off one another, crying because the other one wouldn't stop.

"I'm just going to take him upstairs," Meredith said over the ruckus while April looked helplessly back and forth between the two of them.

Upstairs in Bailey's bedroom, she settled Bailey in his crib as best she could, but being put down only seemed to make him even more upset. Still, she left him for just a moment while she changed out of her dress and into loungewear. Once she was back in his room, she lifted Bailey into her arms again and settled into the rocking chair with him.

It took awhile to calm him down enough to nurse, but once she started, Meredith wasn't sure if that was what was comforting him or if it was the pain medicine finally kicking in. Either way, the baby seemed to feel a little better, even if he was clamping down on her harder than he normally would. Even though their date night ended so abruptly and she had no idea when they would be able to go out again, this little moment with her son wasn't a bad trade-off.

"Bay," she murmured as he stared up at her contentedly, "What are we going to do with you?"

The house was silent now, so she assumed that Derek had gotten Zola to bed and April had left. Once she was sure that Bailey was in such a deep sleep that moving him wouldn't wake him, she set him down in his crib and tiptoed out of the room, hoping that he would have a peaceful night's sleep.

She came back downstairs to find the back door open and a combination of cool air and warm light flooding the room. Zola's toys had been cleaned up and their dishwasher had been loaded. Someone had even folded the throw blankets on the couch and rearranged the pillows. She had to hand it to Derek; he did nice work.

A huge grin spread across her face as she saw Derek on the porch, stoking the fire pit and setting as much of their dinner as he could on the small table. Leftover white pillar candles-which Derek swore they had enough of to last until their 25th wedding anniversary-were clustered on the bench that wrapped around the porch and around the chaise lounge. Set next to the candles were the receiving ends of both Zola and Bailey's baby monitors, each labeled with the name of the child whose room had the other half. All was quiet.

"What are you doing?" she asked, stepping onto the porch.

He looked up and smiled at her. "We're going to finish our date."

"How did you have time to do all this? Was I really in Bay's room that long?"

"Well, no. But April cleaned up for us while I got this ready. She felt pretty bad that date night was interrupted. Is the baby ok?"

"Yeah, hopefully the Tylenol will get him through the night, but we need to get on top of this teething thing."

"I already put some wet washcloths in the freezer for tomorrow morning. Or tonight, if he needs them."

Meredith tilted her head to the side and smiled, sighing in relief. "You're amazing."

Derek simply shrugged. "So, shall we continue?" he asked, pulling one of the chairs out for her. He had taken his suit jacket off and rolled up his sleeves, and even though she was in yoga pants and a t-shirt, it still felt perfect.

"When did you get that?" she asked, when they finished their dinners and he popped open a styrofoam container with a piece of chocolate cake in it.

"I told the waitress to wrap up some dessert too. You were on the phone with April."

They both curled up on the chaise lounge, melded together in the tight space, and picked at the shared piece of cake. He wrapped an arm around her, and kissed the top of her head. Even though it was almost November, between the fire and one another, they kept each other warm.

"You're good at this," she murmured.

"What?"

"Being a dad. Being a husband," she said. She set the half-eaten cake on the ground and rested her head against his chest. He slid his fingers gently down her arm to rest at the hem of her t-shirt. He played with the fabric for a minute before his fingers slipped underneath and traced over her skin. It gave her goosebumps.

"I didn't think I had it in me," he said. "After Addison. I thought, 'Maybe I'm not that guy.' The kind of guy I wanted to be. The kind of guy my dad was."

"You are. I mean, I didn't know him. But you are. I know that."

She looked up at him, and he kissed her lips softly. "You're good too," he said. And the way he said it didn't make it seem like an afterthought, or a gesture of reciprocity. He said it in such a heartfelt, almost reverent way, that she knew he meant it.

"I didn't think I would be," she said.

This, too, was the truth. Nothing in her past ever indicated that she could feel at home like this, in this man's arms, in this house, with two babies asleep upstairs. Nothing in her past suggested she could ever end up here, that she would ever want to. Perhaps even more amazing was that, not only did she want this, but she also knew she was good at it. It still shocked her almost every day, the way her children looked at her, trusted her, and needed her. It came as a pleasant surprise that Derek was still in love with her after everything that they had been through. And it thrilled her that she _knew_ all of this, somewhere deep down and unshakeable. It had been a long time coming, but it felt so goodto know for sure, to accept what he told her without question because she knew it for herself.

"I did," Derek said simply.

They lay in silence for a few moments, watching the fire crackle against the darkness of a night in the woods.

"So when do I get to see you in that dress again?" he asked. "That part of the evening was cut entirely too short."

Meredith snorted. "At the rate we're going, probably not until after we are done having kids."

He laughed too and squeezed her a little more tightly. His hand came to rest on the small of her back, and she laid a hand on his hip and slung one of her thighs over his.

"We'll be able to use this against the kids at some point, right?" she said playfully. "Like when they're teenagers or something?"

"Oh, yeah, I think so," he said. "Like when they undoubtedly complain that we don't let them do anything fun."

"I can just hear myself saying, 'Oh really? Well, when you were little, we didn't get to do anything fun either.'"

Derek shook his head. "Though we might be housebound forever, even then. I bet they'll want to borrow the car and we'll still be here, tied down by whatever they're doing."

Meredith shrugged. Her whole hand was under his shirt now, resting on his stomach. His was creeping dangerously lower with each passing moment.

"Well," she said, "That could actually be kind of fun."

"Want to go upstairs?" he asked. "Housebound or not, we still get to do some fun things."

She looked up at him. "How about we just have our fun out here?"

He raised an eyebrow. She dipped her fingertips into the waistband of his trousers before migrating to his belt buckle, and added, "No suit required." He laughed.


End file.
